Hello, blog land!

Elephant in the room - let's talk about it.

Yes, I haven't posted something in days. I had a moment of 'why am I even doing this, no one is reading, WHAT IS THE POINT??' 

But I've come to the conclusion, that this blog is for me. Well, first and foremost. Of course I hope other people will like it, but right now I have to do this for me. This blog is making me think. And I guess thinking is good for you. Who knew? So, I'm sorry for disappearing. I am going to try not to do that again.

I promised on Twitter that I would talk a bit about my new lipstick and my issues with my dear old set of lips.

Everyone has their body thing, they aren't that happy with. I have a lot of things. One of them is and have always been my lips. In my eyes they are tiny. It's almost like they aren't there. I always look at girls with full, luscious lips and I get so jealous. I swear, sometimes it's like my lips disappear. 

This thing has caused me to stay away from using lipstick. Why would I wear something that highlighted my tiny, almost not there, lips?! I thought it looked ridiculous wearing a bright color on something that insignificant. And there was also the added bonus of my anxiety telling me that people would take one look at me/them and laugh. Like, what was I thinking? My lips don't deserve lipstick. Idiot.

Well, guess what. I am reclaiming my lips! Yes, they are small. Yes, they are not perfect. But dammit if I can't wear pretty things on my lips or anywhere else, just because they're not exactly what I wished they were.

So ladies and gentlemen, I give to you my lips (and face) wearing my new lipstick 'Lasting Finish by Kate' by Rimmel (number 111 'Kiss of Life):

The lipstick in question

And no, this is not going to turn into a make-up/fashion blog. 1) I do not have the money for it (but boy, do I wish I did) and 2) nor do I have the skills. 

I love how white it makes my teeth look. And I've actually gotten compliments on my lips(!), since I started wearing lipstick. What is this?! Some kind of alternate universe?! 

I am embracing the things I feel self-conscious about. Starting with my lips. Who knows what comes next. The list is oh so long. 

Until next time, dear ones.

BYE!

P.S. Remember to follow me on Twitter @mariamariager.

P.P.S. LIPSTICK OUTTAKE:

Hello, blog land!

I might as well say it: I've been in a slump today. If you can't be honest on your blog for all the world to see, where can you?

I had a late start of the day, due to going to bed late yesterday, because of theater rehearsals. I've been getting up between 7 and 9 AM for two weeks now and it feels so good to get an early start. But I slept in until 10 AM today and it's made me feel all wonky. This is coming from someone, who used to go to bed around 4 AM and slept till way past noon. I think that's why things are feeling off today. Who would've thought I'd actually like waking up early. Not me, that's for sure.

The temptation of not doing my pledge today has been hovering over me as well. I have so many excuses: The weather is still sort of bad, I should just spend my day looking for jobs, it's nice to just sit on the couch and watch TV. That sort of excuses.
But this is why I made this pledge in the first place. It's so easy to fall back into old routines, that don't really require anything of me. So I am going to get dressed, because yes, I am still in my robe from taking a shower three hours ago(!) and I am going to go for a walk, while I listen to some great music. I might go down to a little pond and watch the ducks. Who knows! But I am going to do it, because in the end, I will be happier for it.

Every day you take small steps to either improve your life or make it worse. It's all what you choose to do. We all know what's good for us and we all know what's bad for us. Sometimes choosing the right thing is harder to do than choosing the wrong thing. But it is a choice and the choice is all yours. I could choose to sit on my couch all day, and it would feel good in the moment. Boy, it would feel really good. But would it feel as good tomorrow? Or the day after that? Everything you do today affects your tomorrow.

And today I choose to get dressed, go outside and get some fresh air. I have a feeling my head won't feel so weird afterward.

To quote a very handsome, clever and fictional man: Make each day count. (Oh, Jack. There was room for you on that door.)

Until next time,

BYE!

Hello, blog land!

How are you this windy, rainy Monday? At least it's windy and rainy here. I hope, wherever you are, the weather is acting better.

I decided to stay in today due to the weather being silly. Well, I have theater rehearsals later today, so I will have to brave it sooner than I'd like. But for now, I am staying inside.

I know, I know, I pledged to go outside and do one thing that makes me happy every single day, but I did not really think about weather being crap. Whoops. Plus, I am going outside today. Just not for my pledge.

Instead I stayed inside and pampered myself. I do that so rarely and I figured it was about time. So I put on a face mask and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls. (How excited are you for the new Gilmore Girls episodes?? I for one can't wait!)

And just to keep things fun, because who doesn't like fun and laughing at other people (read: me), here's a picture of me in all my face mask glory.

And yes, I do realize this is the first time I've put a real picture of me on here and it's make-up-less and face masky. I am just that confident. Oh, yeah. (I point your attention to the bags under my eyes and the sleep in my eye. I'm such a classy lady.)

So that happened. You're welcome.

I have some really exciting news to tell you, but I think I will wait until the plans are more, well, planned. Why yes, I did just dangle a carrot in front of you and took it away. That's because I'm a nice person.

So, it's Monday and I'm excited for a new week to start. A side perk to my pledge is that I am actually looking forward to something every single day. I feel like that's a feeling every person should have. So come do my pledge with me! I'm still doing the hashtag #lifeofmariapledge on Twitter. Check me out @mariamariager and join the pledge yourself. I would love to see your pictures and hear your stories. I will retweet all your tweets! 

I will see you all tomorrow,

BYE!

Hello, blog land!

It's Sunday and it's my mom's birthday today. Happy birthday, mom! Which reminds me that my birthday is coming up really soon and I am not particularly excited. Reasons why:

• I am turning 32.
• My mom had me, when she was 31.
• I don't even have a boyfriend.
• At all.
• I always said I wanted kids early (read: earlier than my mom).
• Happy 32nd birthday me.

But you know what. I won't think too much about that. I am alive. Healthy...

........ CrapIreallywantaboyfriend

ANYWAY!

On to more happier things! I am so hip and trendy and young with the young, that I started my own hashtag. Oh, yeah. This is a thing that happened. Just go with it. I am really enjoying the pledge I made to myself in yesterdays post (go read and comment, if you haven't!) and that is how the hashtag #lifeofmariapledge came to life. I've been doing it on Twitter and I encourage you all to join me.

Oh, my Twitter handle is @mariamariager. Go follow me!

I am planning on uploading a picture of my daily happy things there and will be using the hashtag #lifeofmariapledge. It would be really fun, if you guys started doing that too. I would love to see pictures of you doing things that make you happy.

I still really want that boyfriend.

Until tomorrow,

BYE!

P.S. I realize this post is very short, but we're doing birthday partying stuff. I'm sure you understand. I promise tomorrow's post will be longer.

Hello, blog land!

Happy weekend.

Seeing as I'm currently unemployed the days tend to blend together and the concept of 'weekend' sort of disappears.
I'm sure you've all experienced this during summer holidays, etc. But being without a job since May, this is getting kind of old. I miss the anticipation, the longing for a few days off.

Yeah, yeah. Cry me a river, right? But it's true. There's something about having this thing at the end of the week to look forward to. It makes everything bearable. How many times haven't you thought, 'Well, at least it's Thursday. Only one more day to go.'? It makes the week feel okay. Because at least you have those two days to relax, spend time with your family, see your friends and that makes it all okay.

I know that not everyone has a 'five days work, two days off' schedule. I didn't have that, whilst working at the toy store. But there was still a couple of days thrown in there somewhere, that was entirely yours. It felt like a gift, something to really cherish; to make the most out of.

When you don't have that, it all tends to feel the same. And not in the 'I am free and can do whatever I want!' sort of way. The days just pass by. Your friends and family are all working, so you're left on your own. I don't think I've watched as much Netflix, as I have the last 9 months. And it frustrates me. I've been in a rut, where the days only consisted of looking for work, applying for jobs and watching Netflix. No more!

I am going to make a pledge right now.

I pledge to get out of the house at least once a day and do something that makes me happy. 

It could be something as simple as a walk down to the beach or going to the gym (which I really, really should do more. Will probably blog about that at a later time.). Or it could be something I've never done before.

The days are mine and mine alone. If I don't take care of them, they are going to disappear and leave me behind.

Tell me, LoM readers. What are you going to pledge? Let me know in the comments. Let's do this together!
I would also really like suggestions for things I can do for my pledge, because I have a feeling I will run out of ideas at some point.

Have a great weekend. I will definitely try to.

BYE!

Hello, blog land!

Day two of my commitment to blogging. And I'm already feeling the pressure and difficulty in figuring out what to post. Good start, huh. But here we go.

If you read my first post, then you have my back story. At least the vital parts. There's a bunch of small, but still important, parts I left out. Otherwise the first post would've been twice the size. Parts like friends, family, guys (the few of them that made an appearance) and general life stuff. Some I may talk about, some I may not.

It's actually kind of daunting, and liberating at the same time, to lay your life out there for everyone to read. But I guess this is as much a self-discovery as it is story telling.

Being back at my mom's place makes me feel like I'm a teenager again. But at the same time, it also makes me feel a hundred years old. I feel like only two seconds have passed, since I lived here last and I feel like it was a lifetime ago. I have to catch myself before I turn back into teenage!Maria, who hid out in her room and got angry over the tiniest things. I'm not a teenager anymore. I still act that way sometimes though. And I regret it the second I do. I'm a work in progress, you guys. As we all are. But I'm trying. I really am.

The most important thing, I've always wanted, is to make my parents proud of me. My self-esteem is very, very low and I think I've been craving their approval for most my life. Which has both hindered and benefited me. I think I've let it control me subconsciously, but also very consciously.

Ah, this is getting deep. I'm so sorry. I guess I'm just in that mood today. Hang in there with me. It'll pass.

But yes. Parents. It is a tough subject, isn't it? Maybe not for some, but I feel like everyone has their own 'thing' with their parents. We're all a by product of them, whether we like it or not.

Living with my mom again has really made me think about my relationship with her. She drives me crazy, she has her quirks and sometimes I just want to shake her. I really do. But she's also a by product of her parents. She has her own past, which has formed her for good and for worse.

I guess the most important thing is, that she always wants what's best for me. She wants to see me happy. She's told me that she's happy, when I'm happy. And that is a huge pressure, I'm not going to lie. And I've told her that. I can't be responsible for her happiness. But what I can do is try my best to be happy. I mean, who doesn't want to be happy? And if she benefits from that too, well, that's just a perk.

I do want my mom to be happy. I think, I just need to start thinking more about what will make me happy and not what I can do to make her happy. Because all she wants is for me to be happy. And then we both win.

Parents! Know what I mean? And I think I've used up my quota of the word 'happy' in this post for at least 24 hours.

Until tomorrow,

BYE!

Hello, blog land!

My name is Maria. I have come here today to let you in on a secret: Life. Is. Hard. Work. And it throws you for a curveball more often than you'd like and it can really, really suck butt.

But I have also come here to find the highs in this thing called life. More often than not, I find myself focusing on the bad. As we all do. It's just easier that way, isn't it? There's also this weird pleasure in badmouthing everything. Why is that?

So, blog land. Hello. This is me. Trying to find the positive, where there used to be negative.

A little bit about myself (WHO IS THIS STRANGER?!):

As I said, the name's Maria. I am 31 years old and live in the quaint little country known as Denmark. Home of The Little Mermaid, Lego and a government, that's reeeeally not trying to get us to like it.

My 20s were a hot mess. The beginning of my 30s haven't been all that great either. (See, I'm doing it again! But this is why this blog was created after all.)

I might as well give you a slight (I say slight, but what I really mean is MASSIVE) overview of my 20s and why it's become my plan to make my 30s KICK ASS!

I graduated Danish high school when I was 20. I was still living at home and so ready to get on with my life. I stayed home for another year, while working at an insurance company as a sort of office help. I did this to save enough money up to go away to acting school for 4 months, because all I wanted was to A. Become an actress and B. Get the hell away from home.

So I did that. Check. Acting school both rocked and shocked my world and I was left crumbling in a corner, never wanting to act ever again. (Oh, how little did I know.)

22 year old Maria thought the next obvious step was to start university. And hey, I liked English, so why not study that?

Fast forward a semester and one month and goodbye university. It was just not for me at all.

But then what? I was already feeling like life's biggest failure. All my friends were studying or doing stuff they were really into. I was working at H&M and didn't have a clue as to what I was going to do.

Hello, Seattle!

I decided, on a whim, to go to the United States as an au pair. I found a great family on an au pair website and it was quickly decided, that I was a perfect fit for them. I then spent a year (which I still look back on as the best year in my life) in Seattle, caring for the sweetest baby boy ever, making friends and enjoying the States.

While in the States, I couldn't help starting to miss acting. I know, I know. Crumbling in a corner and all that, but I couldn't help it! So I signed up for an acting class and absolutely loved it. Crap. I was supposed to have left that behind. But nope, that's not how my brain works. If only. So, I was thrown back into acting.

After my year was up I came back home, all determined to audition for the national theater schools here in Denmark. I studied with an actor and all, but it was all very rushed and I didn't go through to the second round of auditions.

Another set back. Yay. I was now 24 and still with no idea what to do with my life. People around me were finishing up university, getting real jobs, some were even starting families (whaaat). And here I was. 24 and no idea what to do.

So, I got a job at a sort of after school club for kids. Because, kids I know. Kids I like.

But life doesn't stop. It goes on and I felt I was stalling. At 25 I was still working, but somewhere in my brain there was a part that said: EDUCATION. GET ONE!

Because that's what you do, right? You get an education, otherwise you perish and die and will never, ever live a good and meaningful life. That's what the wise people say, isn't it?

So I started studying multimedia design. I figured, I was decent at Photoshop plus the school worked together with a film school and I had always been fascinated by movies and secretly always wanted to work on movies. SO, that convinced me to start.

In the middle of all of this, I moved to Copenhagen to share an apartment with a friend.

The end. All was happy and well.

Yeah, no.

I was 27, in my last year at school and I found myself with a really horrible depression plus a bit of social anxiety mixed in there. Life, kids.

So, I dropped out of school. I basically went into hibernation for about six months. (I did see a therapist for a while there. No worries.)

I was 28, no education and no job. The summer came around and I basically kicked myself out of bed and got a job. No money = no life.
So I started working. Again. This time at a toy store. And things were okay. I had started a theater group with some friends a couple of years earlier, so I still got to act. Which was basically the only thing I did that actually made me happy.

But EDUCATION! EVERYONE NEEDS ONE!

So, I started studying again. This time to become a preschool teacher.

But 1) I started way, way sooner than I should have. (I was still battling with a tiny bit of depression and anxiety) And 2) Even though everyone says I should work with kids, I really shouldn't. I love kids. But not as a job. At least not that way.

So, I quit that too after one semester. Go me!

Back to work with me. I worked at the toy store and ended up with a job in a daycare. Which was what I really didn't want. How did I end up there? Don't ask. I don't even know. I worked there for a little over a year. But then I couldn't get enough hours (yay subbing!) and I was kind of forced to quit.

The highlight of my 31st year? No job and getting money from the State to survive. Oh, and no place to live too! (I might tell you that story another time. Might not.) That was great.

So, what now? Well, now I am living at home. Again. At 31 years old. Which, you know, is a challenge. And not exactly where I pictured myself at 31.

But this is how this blog was born! I've decided that enough is enough. I am going to make my 30s great. Even if I have no idea how. This is going to happen.

I am going to share with you the trials of living with my mom again. (And there will be trials. Oh, yes.) I am even thinking about starting a Twitter account just for my exchanges with my mom. Which could be funny or just really, really depressing.

But this blog is going to be used to document, chronicle, whatever fancy word you want to use, my days and life. And I promise most of the posts won't be as long as this one. Probably.

So, here's to you, blog land! I am excited to get to know you.

BYE!